Mind & Heart United



Oh the beast that so many of us, especially women, suffer from. Oh, the desire which can never be fulfilled. Oh the bottomless pit we throw our energy into without any return. I’ve had enough of you. I’m going to cut you open, turn you inside out, study you, cook you firm, eat you the way you are and finally get rid of you.

Once upon a time I found the courage to admit that I, like many others, do suffer from perfectionism. Ok, I thought, I admit I do. Now what?

The answer came to me while running in the park, unexpectedly and from such an unordinary angle. And all the rest just fell in its place effortlessly. I imagined what if they wrote on my tombstone smth like “Died, trying to be perfect”. It seemed so ridiculous to me. I remembered how it feels when I experience the sensation of looking at smth and wanting to say “this is perfect” or “this feels perfect”. And I realised that when I do feel this, it has nothing to do with me being perfect myself but with the sensation of harmony of the achievement, the result.

Then I also realised that this perception of perfect is My perception and only mine. The things that matter are those that matter to Me. Which means that “perfect” for other people will only be the “perfect” that matters to them. And given we are all unique there is no way that my “perfect” will be 100% the same as “perfect” value for someone else. And that means that Perfect does not exist! Because if there were such a thing, there would be no difference in the perception of it. It would always and under any
circumstances be the same. In other words perfect would be an objective and only measurable evaluation criteria. But how can you measure the feeling of light, of colour, enough, the soft side of a result?

I’m struggling and trying to reach to something that doesn’t exist. And keep chasing something that doesn’t exist, that my friend is ridiculous.

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