COMMUNICATION CAN EITHER KILL YOU OR MAKE YOU BIG
AUTHOR – Nataliya Dolinska – Transformation & Love LifeStyle Inspirational Mentor
Many couples, politicians have disputes and many negotiations get stuck simply because of lack of skill to have a dialogue and the correct attitude when trying to sort things out. Although we would all very much prefer not to have a quarrel, wouldn’t we.
Constructive Dialogue Vs. Dispute: What is The Difference?
Before learning how it works, it would be interesting to know the difference between an argument and a dialogue.
When having an argument your ego is the center. Arguing in its core is all about expressing the needs of your ego and getting the superior position in relation with the other person. In the heat of the moment some of us even go as far as pointing out to the other person that his needs shouldn’t even be there. That’s how insignificant they seem to be for their ego. They call them “details, not important, not in its place…” . Dispute is about being right, more important, more significant and making certain that it stays that way. The attitude in such a model is hierarchy. My needs first as they are the most important. The driving emotional forces are fear and the feeling of not being enough. The motivation is to do everything possible to escape that feeling.
Dialogue, on the contrary, is not about your ego, but about your higher self. Out of that place, you see the needs of another person as equally important as your own. Your needs are just as there as you being alive. It’s something given for no rational reason, that everyone has as it is and is to be taken care of as it is.
When you have a dialogue you listen for the purpose of listening and the intention to find a way how you can help this person to meet his needs as well as yours, in a way that elevates you both. You connect with the other person on the level of soul. You see yourself not as someone above, but a co-creator of the well-being of the other person. The driving emotional forces are love and contribution. The motivation is to strive for a better way of being together. And your own significance comes from being able to impact the other person in an elevating and empowering way and the certainty that you are good enough to do it.
They say – “Truth is known in a dispute”. That is a big mistake. I say – The truth is known only in a dialogue.